somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
