Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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