just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
