he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
