I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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