I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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