I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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