all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
