we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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