If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
