a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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