I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
