his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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