was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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