You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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