no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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