K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
