I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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