a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
