imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
