Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
