We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
