White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
