pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
