im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
