I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
