he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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