Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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