I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
