piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Soap is not a condiment
Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
