i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
