This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
