id be glad to
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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