I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
