Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
