the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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