She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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