Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
