So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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