from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
