He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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