I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
