Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
