My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
