recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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