Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
