i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
