The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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