You really coming over, don't trick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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