you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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