eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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