I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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