More tranny stories later!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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