3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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