can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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