Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
false alarm. still invincible.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The feeling are messing with the penis
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
