I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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