I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
