More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
