What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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